beware of the narcissists

I think the biggest issue today is people fall in love without taking the time to figure who they're falling for. we also seem to confuse emotional connections with emotional attachments, one gives you life and one sucks the life right out of you and leaves you empty. This summer I found myself attached to someone I barley knew and it was not until I got attached to this person that I saw them for who they were. I must say I was partially my fault for not paying attention the signs and for being so blinded by my feelings I couldn't see what was happening. the little comments they would make and the little inconsiderate things they would do I couldn't see until I started hurting as a result. I liked her  so much that I was afraid to mess things up so I went out of my way not to do or say anything that would but  what  didn't know was an agenda had already been set up for me in this relationship regardless of what I did it was going to turn out the same because she had her specific plans for me and it wasn't going beyond that. after a few weeks of getting to know each other I started to feel a disconnect between me and her so me being me I made my feelings vocal which seemed to be a turn off for her. every time I mentioned feeling insecure instead of reassuring me and talking about it she would suggest that we end the relationship witch I could never understand. The first time she said it I was ready to end things before she ended u hurting but then she apologized and asked for another chance, I liked her so much I was willing to let it go a move forward. throughout the whole process of getting to know each other she would constantly stress how important time was to her and how she wanted to take things slow. less that two weeks after that we kissed. it seemed to me that everything he said was a contradiction, she was saying the things she wanted me to believe meanwhile having opposite intentions. after we kissed she became distant and suddenly socially unavailable to me and when I mentioned It she pretended not know understand my frustration and brushed it off in the most nonchalant way. the next day the tension  was building up and we eventually got into an argument then she suggested we just be friends again. I blamed myself for the things I said and was sure I had messed things up forever. I cried that whole night and apologized to the next day. I asked her for a second chance and she said she would think about it. I agreed to wait but the anxiety was killing me I just wanted to talk to her. a few days after she came to my house to get something and I asked her to stay for a while. the vibe was completely different I could feel it in my chest that it was over already so I ended up texting after ranting about my feelings and her response again was that we should end things.  she wanted us to just be friends but she mentioned that she still wanted to be alone with me which was very confusing. I went into a deep depression and I was having anxiety attacks like five times a day and we were finally moving towards a real friendship but there was always that little part of us that was still attracted to each other and we would still end up flirting. we both expressed our sexual feelings towards each other and decided we were gong to act on them. she told times prior to this that a sexual relationship without an emotional was not In her character; another contradiction. a small part of me wanted to act on these feelings just for n own sexual attraction to her but the main reason why I wanted to was because I thought that maybe if we shared that moment she would want me romantically and if we wouldn't be together at least if she had use for me I would still get to be around her and even though it felt wrong that fact that it was her made it okay somehow. after we had sex everything seemed to be going well I thought maybe tis could work. but everything felt different when she would kiss me there was nothing but lust in her eyes and I knew it didn't work, sex didn't create any new feelings for her and her cup was still empty while mine was flowing over. I was mad at myself I was sick with myself I knew I was better than the choice I made but I didn't say anything because I knew then I would loose her for good. then day we were in the park kissing and everything felt off. when we left he whole aura was different the energy was different and I felt bad. when I went home and I told her how I felt her response was that we should end our sexual relationship because she was starting to feel guilty. this made me angry beyond words, she waited until after everything already occurred to make this decision and I felt use and rejected for a third time. I eventually realized I was just apart of some type of sexual experiment for this girl and everything I felt I was alone in  since day one. Throughout this whole experience she was making me feel like I was doing everything wrong to cover up what she was trying to do she liked and contradicted herself on a regular basis and had no sense of empathy throughout the entire time she knew me. she was never sorry and never admitted to her intentions in fact she avoided talking about everything she ever did  wrong. the biggest mistake I  made was thinking that because we were both girls she would treat me with the same care she wanted to be treated with. I thought she would understand me a support me in ways a mal could not but I was wrong because  she hurt me worse any man ever could. I was looking into her soul craving her affection but she was only looking at my  flesh , the most meaningless part of me. I learned valuable lessons from this though; I have to  love myself first and don't fall before looking where Im falling. it