Trying to love my body

Madison Sydney

For as long as i can remember, I’ve always struggled with my weight. Usually when you hear about someone struggling about weight, you would assume it’s difficulties with weight-loss. Not in this case. Most people think that “fat” people or people with size are the only ones with weight issues but that’s not the case. For my entire life I have always been the smallest in every class/group of friends, both in size and height. Even in cases where I’ve been older I would always look like the baby of the crew. I was never comfortable in anything I did. I especially was never comfortable in the clothes i wore. I always thought that I looked too thin, and people often reminded me of it. They would make a circle around my wrist with their index finger and thumb to indicate how small I was. I also dealt with a lot of smart comments like “what size are you 0 ?” or “you need to eat a burger” as if gaining weight was as easy for everyone. I tried appetite boosters, protein shakes, I’ve changed my eating habits and nothing worked. I had a very fast metabolism which made everything useless. I ate a lot, especially junk food. Everyone around me would gain weight from eating the same things I ate. I did not have curves like all my friends and other girls my age and I became really insecure. I hated myself on most days. I was also under-weight my whole life, still am. I’ve never passed 100 pounds. When I realised that the people around me and even social medias praised girls with big breasts/ass  I became less confident. Over the past years I’ve grown to become socially awkward around people whenever I went out with friends or family. Eventually i began cancelling plans and stayed home. It was also hard for me to find clothes that best suited my body. I was overly self conscious if I would look too thin or too flat. This was easily avoided by staying home. I’ve always been told that I am photogenic. I liked taking pictures, whether it was of me or the things around me. I aspired to become a Model and a Photographer. However, on several occasions where I was given the opportunity to model, I fell short and was not able to comfortably do it because of my body. The person behind the camera, and everyone else, would usually compliment me and encourage me but that didn’t change how I felt about myself. To boost my confidence, I began taking a lot of pictures (selfies), avoiding full body pictures. Most people would look at me based on social media and call me conceited or cocky. Little do they know, I struggle every day with accepting myself as a whole. Taking pictures & dolling up myself is the only way I seem to find confidence. I tend to appreciate myself on social media more than O actually do in real life which is the reason I may be posty or seem overly confident on social medias like Snapchat or Instagram. Although I am still struggling, I know that one day I will overcome it. To anyone struggling with weight, whether it be weight-loss or gaining weight, and to anyone battling their insecurities, it begins with you. The way everyone looks at you depends on you. You have control over your life. If you accept yourself and love yourself for who you are, everything and everyone else will fall into place